So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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