I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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