he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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