I hate your face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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