When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
