next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
