I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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