So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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