I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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