mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
