if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
