Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
