If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
