3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
