cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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