She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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