Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
