Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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