this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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