She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
FUCK WHALES
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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