the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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