If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
