he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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