I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
