She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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