dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
