I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
