Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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