I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
