Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
