hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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