So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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