Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
