Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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