apparently the secret to your success is patron
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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