So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
