and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
