I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
