Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
