He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
