I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
