hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
