I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
