Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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