dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
