i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
