I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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