that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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