lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
