News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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