I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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