You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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