She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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