Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
