Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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