We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
