Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
