Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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