no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
