I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
