I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
