IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
