i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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