i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
