Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
