His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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