i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
