Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
