I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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