I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize