So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
