I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
