I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
