Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
